It is an interesting speculation and I encourage you to engage in such speculation, but I wanted you to know where it becomes problematic to me. I encourage you to continue to ponder on the scriptures because I think you will grow spiritually by doing so. As you do ponder, try to anticipate where problems could arise. It’s fun and safe to bat around such ideas here, and I want you to feel that this website is a safe place to do so. Once again, I never was angry with you, and I apologize for giving that impression.

I most definitely apologize. I am so sorry that I have angered you. It was just a thought that brought me peace (somewhat). I never meant to be sexist. I never meant to be rude. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. It was just a thought that occurred to me one day… It was a huge assumption on my part… but I have no real conviction of it. It was just to make myself feel better, and I thought that it might make other people feel better as well, so that is why I shared it. I can see that it was a huge mistake on my part… and even though I truly thought the intentions were good, I have hurt and angered people on this board. I must have been dumb enough to think that was not going to happen.

I am a dumb girl with dumb thoughts. I thought that maybe there were others like me out there that have a hard time with the “why” of polygamy, and for some stupid reason, I thought I was actually offering an idea that would help. I have told some of my friends this “theory” and they said it made sense to them, so I actually thought it might be a possibility. I have learned that just because some friends may agree, it doesn’t mean that to scholars like you and your readers would see any value in it. I am an uneducated, lowly person that has no right to come up with these wild ideas. I should just leave alone subjects like this to a you. I have appreciated your information and comments. I am just so sorry to have made you angry.

Please forgive me. I was SO STUPID. I am sorry. I don’t know how else to convey to you how sorry I am.

Thanks for replying. I guess I was just wondering if anyone out there felt like me. I was wrong and and I apologize profusely.

I have great regard for those who think polygamy was a celestial commandment, and I respect their great sacrifice in living the law.

I’m not sure I agree with some of your assumptions, such as “1/3 of the Spirits were band from this life… were mostly men.” I don’t think women are more spiritual than men, and I don’t think men are more spiritual than women. Such ideas seem sexist to me, and remind me of the idea that blacks couldn’t hold the priesthood because they were fence-sitters in the pre-existence. I reject such assumptions. I believe that men [and women] will be punished for their own sins, and not for the transgressions of the 1/3.

While women do outnumber men currently, your statement that “the 2/3 that were left to be born, mostly were women” doesn’t seem to be supported by statistics. I believe that women outnumber men 52-48%. This 2/3 would have to be skewed much more to support the idea that 2/3 of those born on earth are women.

Frankly, I think polygamy is sexist. If it is to be fair, women should be allowed to be sealed to multiple men, especially if the first temple marriage ends in the death of a husband. It just doesn’t seem fair to me that men can be sealed to multiple women, but not the other way around. I like the sealing concept, but I do believe that some of the implementations today are inherently sexist in favor of men over women, and I think such inequities need to be solved if it is ever to be brought back.

To me, the beauty of the sealing ordinance is that “neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man in the Lord.” We need each other to obtain Celestial glory–and that isn’t sexist at all. Men can’t get there by themselves, and neither can women.

I always have respect for people who are self-sacrificing for their beliefs, even when I don’t share those beliefs. Of course, when I don’t believe, I am saddened by what seems as unnecessary self-sacrifice.

My religious upbringing in the CofChrist branch of the Restoration, and my training as a physicist, leads me to view pre-existence, the afterlife, and the relationship between the spirit and the physical body differently. I think the fall as presented in Restoration scriptures is trying to describe a real event for which we have no appropriate language, because we fundamentally misunderstand the relationship between the physical and spiritual realms.

Interestingly, I don’t think either men or women can avoid having multiple spouses in heaven, or for that matter multiple believing and unbelieving children, or multiple sealed and unsealed, or successful or broken marriages on earth. There, by the grace of God, we all DO go. It’s simply a property of having those multiple “earths” seen in the Book of Moses interpreted in light of what we now know about the probable existence of parallel universes.

Yet one family and one spouse per earth can still be the norm.

My idea (and please feel free to tell me what you think):

In the pre-existence, when there was the war in Heaven and 1/3 of the Spirits were band from this life… were mostly men. Because we were already given our gender assignment beforehand, we may have already had the core distinctions in the pre-existence. Therefore, the 1/3 that left were mostly men already had an inclination towards the “natural man” and let that control their decision to follow Satan’s plan.

Because the law was already in place, it was already pre-determined that a woman could not enter the Celestial Kingdom without a man and vice-versa. And because of the 2/3 that were left to be born, mostly were women. Because of the nature of man to give into the “natural man”, where as a woman (also has the tendency, but I personally feel is less) is more of a nurturer, there are even less worthy men for women to be sealed to.

Because Heavenly Father is a loving Father that does not want to see some of His daughters without the promise of the Celestial Kingdom, He provided them a way to be sealed to a worthy male… polygamy. And, it also provided a way to weed out those women that truly could not live that commandment.

I used to think why would Heavenly Father punish his female daughters so… until I thought of this reasoning. It was never to hurt. It was others who did not follow Christ’s plan that created this situation… and it was out of love that Heavenly Father created polygamy.

I have a great-great-great grandmother who was the first wife. She entered into polygamy with a conviction of the truth of polygamy. Yet, she was left alone often with no food for her children while her husband was in exile. And the last 10 years of her life were spent alone because her husband decided to live with the 2nd wife permanently after my great-great-great grandmother stood up to him when he opposed a marriage for his daughter from the other wife. She pleaded with him to allow the marriage… and it wasn’t even her own daughter! She was/is selfless, loving, giving, and true to her covenant with Heavenly Father. Polygamy was a hardship and a trial for her. I am sure it was for many. I am proud of her for enduring all those lonely, hard trials… some of which were inflicted upon her by a husband that did not like her standing up to him (the only time in her life she ever did). Her daughter wrote a book on her life and even though she wrote about the accomplishments of her mother, she also spoke of the pain and heartbreak… and how she bore it with grace and dignity… and absolute faith in Heavenly Father. She always will be, without a doubt, my hero.

I enjoyed your comments and information you provided. I hope my theory (as truthful or untruthful as it was) helps with your idea on polygamy… it gives me comfort as to the “why”. Although… the idea of polygamy in general still gives me no comfort whatsoever.

Thanks.

But these are leaders saying women were free to divorce, etc. How do we really know if they followed through on these matters?

Kathryn Daynes says that the largest group of women to divorce were those who entered polygamy during the Mormon Reformation of the 1850’s (after BY’s quote). Additionally, David Bigler (who wrote the Forgotten Kingdom), mentioned this same Brigham Young quote, and said many women took Brigham Young up on the offer to divorce.

As for social stigma, Daynes seems to indicate that there was much less of a stigma in today’s society. She specifically mentions women that had children out of wedlock were not ostracized. I’m positive that divorce and unwed mothers were not encouraged, but with the marriage culture then, it seems that Mormons did really want to look after each other, and these women found other husbands. I didn’t quote the marriage statistics, but it should come as no surprise that women married at a higher rater at all ages than any other American group of women. It appears that these divorced women found compatible partners to marry.

I agree that polygamy wasn’t easy, and Daynes makes it clear that the leadership did not encourage divorce. She said that the leaders counseled parties against divorce, but if it really was a case where the parties couldn’t get along, Daynes says that the leaders felt it was better to be happily divorced than unhappily married.

I don’t know if you read my perspective on polygamy–the short answer is I don’t think it was ever inspired, and frankly, I don’t think Daynes liked it either. But I felt she did illustrate strengths and weaknesses of the system.