As a post-script, I didn’t get invited for drinks, and just went back to my room and wrote the priesthood ban post. I guess that was a better thing to do, anyway.

A few weeks ago, I was in Hawaii on vacation. Another family was there, offered me a beer, I declined, and we had a very pleasant conversation. He was a fine fellow from California, and I didn’t feel odd for not drinking, nor for his drinking in front of me.

In relation to the tv crew, it is somewhat different. In the past, I have been the designated driver. One particular fellow had 4 or 5 tequilas at a bar. When we returned to the hotel, he went to the hotel bar to have some more. He was slurring his speech, and hopelessly drunk. It wasn’t fun for me.

The talk was about wine, beer, tequila, wild parties, etc. Many tv crew are divorced, drug users, porn users, etc. Now, I won’t say they try to force me to drink, and they were glad I was the designated driver, but it just really isn’t that much fun for me. I know nothing about wines, tequila, or alcohol. What can I add to the conversation?

With my friend from Hawaii, on the other hand, we talked about Steelers, Red Sox, Eagles, Celtics, vacations, schools, taxes, and all sorts of things. I have opinions on all of those subjects, and was happy to participate in the conversation.

Sanford, I agree that mormons use the WoW as a barometer of righteousness, and I think that is a poor barometer. I am trying to avoid that, and am trying to be more accepting. I heard a quote once about Jesus from a Presbyterian seminary teacher. He said, “If Jesus were alive today, he would hang out in bars.” He went on to say that Jesus “did not come to call the righteous to repentence, but the sinners.” Where else can one find sinners than in a bar?

So, on the one hand, I want to be a good example, and let my light shine before men. On the other hand, if they are just going there to get drunk (as it seems many do), I just can’t see much of a redeeming value in going. What would Jesus do? It seems they are in great need of a physician…..

I don’t know this particular crew, so I guess I’ll go along for the ride, and see if it is a good or bad experience. Thank you all for your perspectives!

In the bigger picture, I have issues with Church members using the word of wisdom as a barometer of righteousness but I don’t have time to jump into that one right now.

In high school and college, it was all about getting smashed. It wasn’t “social drinking,” it was getting wasted. I had no interest in it and even after I turned 19 (drinking age in Canada), I never went to the bars. Part of it was the atmosphere and the other part was the smoking. (There has since been a ban on smoking, even in bars, both in Canada and Norway, but back then places like that were always a cloud of smoke.) My friends always knew it wasn’t my thing, so they never really pressured me to go out with them. I did however go to restaurant-bars, which I was ok with. They ate and drank, and I ate. No big deal.

When “social drinking” is done in a civilized manner (i.e. when people want to have a drink for the purpose of enjoyment and NOT for just the sake of getting smashed), then it’s really not an issue for me. I find that most don’t really care that I don’t drink, much like I don’t really care that they do drink. Since I’m always around non-members, I’ve found that the best approach is to be honest. You don’t have to broadcast that you don’t drink, but if they ask then I’ll be honest and say that no, I don’t drink. If they ask why, I just say I never have and have never had any interest in starting. If appropriate, I’ll say it’s because of religious and health reasons.

One thing that I always want to be careful about is not alienating people because of our differences in regards to drinking. If people sense that their drinking bothers you, even when it’s done in a totally responsible, civilized manner, then they’ll start to feel funny around you and they tend to interpret that vibe as your feeling superior over them. They’ll start to wonder why you’re making a big deal over it. And really, if they’re behaving themselves and just want to have a beer or a glass of wine, then it shouldn’t be a big deal, in my opinion. Most intelligent and mature adults will understand that not everyone wants to drink and as long as they’re free to do so without being looked down upon for it, they won’t really care that you don’t. On the other hand, if they resort to mocking you or mobbing you for not drinking, then I would make it clear that I don’t really need to put up with immature, childish behaviour, and that would be my cue to leave.

I also read that about the Romneys and it surprised me as well. I don’t think that I would keep or serve alcohol in my home myself (I won’t even serve meat to my friends since I don’t eat it myself , but if someone brought it with them (like a bottle of wine or a beer) for their self-consumption, then I don’t think I would deny them that as long as they were being responsible about it. Just like I wouldn’t deny a smoker the right to step onto my porch for a cigarette. If I had coffee drinkers staying with me for the weekend, I don’t think it would be a terrible thing to buy them a jar of coffee to make them feel more at home. I once went to a baby shower for the daughter of my branch president and since most of the people there were non-member coffee drinkers, they had a jar of instant coffee for those who wanted it. Coffee is like a staple food in Norway. I thought it was the hospitable thing to do. I have seen good, strong members here allow non-member friends to bring a can of beer into their home for their own consumption, even with the Elders present, and that didn’t seem to be a big deal because it was just like he was having a can of soda or something. He wasn’t being rude or creating a bad atmosphere in the home because of it. I guess they wanted their guest to feel that he was free to be himself and that we weren’t going to judge him for it. As for buying alcohol to serve to guests who want it, I think that’s where I would draw the line. Not only would it feel a bit strange to buy it, but alcohol is crazy expensive in Norway.

So really, calm and responsible social drinking, like having dinner with friends and their having a glass of wine or beer, is about as big a deal to me as if they were having a cup of coffee. I think maybe us non-Utah Mormons living in places where we are a small majority are more comfortable with others drinking because we have to be. We can’t just live under a rock and avoid all social situations because there might be alcohol there. But wherever I’ve been and no matter how small a minority I’ve been, I’ve never really felt any pressure to drink and I’ve never really been criticized for my decision not to.

If all else fails, you can always say you can’t because you’re pregnant. LOL.